What I Have Learned

“I have learned many things in this short life of mine. I’ve learned that no matter what happens in day-to-day life, nor how bad or unfair it may seem, life goes on, that tomorrow brings a brand new day filled with new hope. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your mom and dad, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. I’ve learned that I have the ability to encourage others to shine their brightest light even in their darkest hour. I’ve learned that inspiring others whenever possible is the greatest gift one can receive. I’ve learned that every day you should be grateful for the opportunities God has granted you. I’ve learned that If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. I’ve learned that every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it. I’ve learned that forgiveness is the first step toward an inner peace. I’ve learned that you can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him. I’ve learned that to write a person off as worthless is form of great violence. I’ve learned that everyone you meet is better than you at something. I’ve learned that life is beautiful and the future belongs to those who believe in their dreams. I’ve learned that no matter who you are or what you have, you will die, to know and understand this means you are alive. I am still learning about friendship, I am still learning about relationships, I am still learning about love, I am still learning about disease and hunger in the world, but IF I have learned anything, I’ve learned that I am “truly” a man of peace! Sending you my blessings of peace, love, happiness, hope and good health now and always!”

~ Gusto

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  1. Hi Gusto,
    I have a situation in which I am unable to forgive, at least not right now. I am hurt, and very angry. So angry that I look forward to the bad karma I hope to come their way.
    It’s regarding the death of a loved one. My cousin Tara passed away in December 2011 at the young age of 27 years old from a shower of blood clots that exploded in the back of her brain and put her in acoma for two weeks. Her husband Bryan didn’t tell us, her family or her mother and father that she was in the hosptial and in acoma for a whole week. He tried to disconnect the life support behind our backs after telling us we could all be there. During the time she (his wife) my cousin was in acoma, he started an intimate relationship with our 20 year old cousin from our side of the family, I can barley speak of her name, but her name is Jessica. None of us knew at the time but did wonder why they were so close and so concerned with each other and not our dying cousin. Bryan barely came to be with his wife or bring their baby son to see and be with Tara and the family while Tara was in acoma. Tara’s mom, dad and the rest of the family held a vigil at her bedside until she took her last breath which was 5 days after she was taken off life support. Her mom and dad literally stayed at the hospital, catching only an hour or two sleep, as they couldn’t bare to leave her side as most parents would do as well as most spouses.
    I performed a beautiful eulogy at her funeral, nine pages long talking about all the memories of the family and how much she loved her husband and baby boy as well as her son Riley who is 12 years old. She had two boys, the baby was the child she had with her current husband of only 2 years. We found out the next day that our cousin Jessica went over to Bryan’s house and stayed the night with him and the baby. Her mom who is the sister of Tara’s dad was livid, hurt, dissappointed, disgusted, etc. as well as the rest of the family. They agrued about the morals and respect then Jessica moved in with Bryan. He proposed to her a month later. He tells her that this is what Tara would want and that they are doing a loving thing in Tara’s memory.
    The rest of the family feels it is a betrayal to Tara and that Tara would be devistated. My aunt and uncle (Tara’s parents) paid for the funeral as Bryan had no money, and told them they could have her ashes. After the funeral he wouldn’t give them Tara’s ashes, it was right at Christmas time and they hurt and suffered through Christmas as all they wanted was to have her ashes for Christmas time. Then he decided he didn’t want them to have any of Tara’s ashes and wanted them shipped to Newfoundland and scattered in the Ocean. Jessica’s mom ended up lying to them to get the ashes by telling Bryan she was sending them to their brother in Newfoundland, but instead and thank God, she gave them to her brother (Tara’s dad) without them knowing.
    My aunt and I created a beautiful page tribute to Tara’s life on facebook since her husband deleted Tara’s personal account. Jessica and Bryan wanted to post on our tribute page and continued to put up pictures of Jessica with Tara at her wedding to Bryan! So we blocked them. Jessica then proceeded to send my aunt a very mean and cruel message telling her she hopes she dies a slow and painful death with her ugly husband, and rot in hell and no wonder Tara did talk to them often cause they are biggest pieces of sh#t, and much more very cruel name calling and cursing.
    I feel protective over my cousin Tara and over her mom and dad and would like to pound Jessica and Bryan’s head into a wall (but honestly wouldn’t) but I am so hurt, angry, mad, sad, feelings and daydreams of vengence, etc. as her parents and alot of the family also feels.
    I love your words on your posts and they capture and draw my heart in. I am a soft person who loves and believes in God and loves positive, warm, compassionate, sincere, sentimental words, and things. I understand what forgiveness and unforgiveness can do to someone’s life.
    How do we forgive this kinda of situation? Is it okay to not forgive and allow for time to bring healing and forgiveness? I know right now I don’t even trust myself to run into Bryan or Jessica for fear of exploded my anger towards them, their parents feel the same way. How do we forgive this and will we be able to forgive in time? My unforgiveness and unwillingness to forgive does concern me. I don’t want hate, anger and unforgiveness in my spirit and heart, but I am definitely not ready to forgive either.
    Thank you for listening and for any advice you may be able to share with me.
    Jennifer from Calgary, AB, Canada
    BTW: I AM a big fan of yours, love your posts, blogs and website!!!

    • First, thank you Jennifer for being so courageous in sharing something that is obviously painful. And, believe me, my heart goes out to you. I’ll cut right to the heart of the matter. You’re in a situation where forgiveness may not be possible, at least not at the moment. Many times, actions on the part of others can stir so much hatred and anger that only time can fully heal.

      More importantly, I “sense” a “dark” side around your deceased cousin’s husband. He’s not of sound mind or spirit at the moment and only God knows when, if ever, his spirit will be returned to someone who lives according to the principles and virtues we all cherish as loving, compassionate human beings.

      As you may know, I’m not a man of the bible. That said, I do believe there’s a passage in it that goes something like this; “treat evil with GOOD, it’s like pouring hot coals over their head.”

      I’m not suggesting that you go out of your way to “be nice”, however, but what I AM suggesting is that you let go and let God take care of this matter. For now, it’s out of your control. The old saying “what goes around, comes around” comes to mind. Stay above the fray. Take the high road. What others do or say, especially those we disagree with vehemently, is something we simply HAVE to let go. It’s beyond our control.

      One thing I always told my children; “good deeds, good consequences. bad deeds, bad consequences.” The deed has been done. The consequences are in God’s hands.

      Feel free to contact me privately via email at gus@gustoramblings.com. I may be able to help you further with this issue, and any others you may have, on a one to one basis. God Bless you!


      • Thank you so much Gus, I know you are right. I have had some pretty bad choice words and a very mean arguement with Bryan and didn’t feel good about myself afterward even though most of what I said I feel is still my truth, I didn’t like how I delivered it and that I would even allow my energy and time to be waisted. Like you said, it’s out of my contol and out of my hands. Nothing I say or do will change their behavior. I also believe in the buddist teachings and am a new student of these teachings just in the past year and a half. So, it is an internal conflict inside of me to feel and have this unforgivess. I don’t like that I look forward to the bad karma and or what “comes around” back to this guy I hope is hurtful and devistating to him. That’s so terrible to think or want that for someone else, but it’s just comes up in me when I think about my cousin and her parents. I’ve seen spouses loose their loved one and honor their memory for at least a year or more before moving on, Tara didn’t get that honor and I’m sad for that cause she deserved it. The pain I see in her parents is like no other pain I’ve ever seen in my life, but I am there for both of them, especially my aunt. We are both so open to talk and discuss Tara in every way. I feel comfortable asking her questions about her grief and saddness, as well as cry and validate her loss. I don’t have children and I’m 40 years old so I don’t ever say I know how she feels, but I do try to put myself in her shoes and only imagine the pain she and my uncle are experiencing and will experience on their journey through the rest of their lives.
        Any way, with all my heart I thank you for your advice and support. I appreciate your words of kindness and understanding. I wish you a wonderful and beautiful day today.
        Yours Truly,
        Jennifer : )

        • You’re quite welcome Jennifer, and though we never want anything “bad” to happen to someone who’s performed a egregious act upon another human being, in the end, that too is out of our hands. Thank you again for sharing your story, and again, feel free to contact me privately if you ever feel the need. 🙂

  2. Hello Gus, What I have experienced and lived sometimes the pain to way to much to bare. For years lots of in-securitys. With that much better. We all have more issues facing us,I pray that I dont know before hand.
    With the death of my daughter am I over it never,I dont havea cold that I can get over.With her the child I thought I might (kill) joking before she became and adult. She defiled everything taught to her and I believed in. Until she became a
    MOM,She changed into a beautiful woman(Rosebud) when her baby was three months old she was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and she was very brittle and than very sick for the next ten years in the hospital so many times I could not keep count.Her child was her and my life.She passed quitely 3/17/2000 the worse day of my life and the beginning of a much stronger relationship with my awesome grandson. It really was the second beginning of the most of the important time of my life. The day he was born was the first 12/24,was the first
    of the most beautiful things to begin for her and I. She had to leave she knew he would be loved andwell taken care of she suffered to many years here.Oh yes the pain of her leaving hurts to much but I have him and he blesses me beyond words.His joy everyday says it all. I am blessed. Not sure about tomorrow, but today I love he is coming home for the weekend.He is 23 now,he will always be my little man 6ft and all. He will always love me now, no matter what.God Bless you, Teri

    • I think I’ve said it before Teri, and I firmly believe this to be so, your “little man” is truly a GIFT from God Himself, a legacy passed on to you in honorable memory of his mother and your daughter. That alone, to me, is cause for celebration and forgiveness of the highest measure we can know. Thank you Teri my friend! 🙂

  3. Am there with someone good counsel and thanks this is a nice writing : )

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